Hands down, my favorite new band can be found at this beautifully designed Web site. They are called I Love You, and you must must must listen to their song "Yes, I Love You."

Do you think I could convince them to become the Trifectate Ministers of Love to Iraq?

No, not "lesbian." You can tell how sleep-deprived I am because I read a new headline this morning and swore it said:

"Quake-hit Indonesian Island Gets Laid."

Now taking bets on what exactly caused the quake.

Trying to finalize the UglyTown publishing schedule for Fall 2005, trying to catch up with our slipping production schedule, dealng with off-handed mentions at Graham's Web site (Jim Freakin' Pascoe? Is that some kind of political commentary?), AND spending a lot of time -- believe it or not -- working on my next adult crime novel ... man, there's hardly any time left to rule a middle eastern country!

Do not despair, though, loyal citizens. There's more unrest brewing in the cabinet, which I'm sure will get reported on sometime before Monday.

So until then, check out the newly redesigned UglyTown site -- please post something at the message boards. And don't forget to buy an Iraq T-shirt!

I think Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland should form a band called THE CRIMINALS. Sting can go to hell. A firey hell of adult contemporary bullshit.

Yes, I'm drinking cheap wine and listening to Synchronicity. The best songs are "Mother" and "Miss Gradenko." Really.

If this doesn't make your weekend, then I don't know what will.



You, too, can proudly show support of Jim Pascoe, Iraq, and pimps by purchasing some player apparel here. A special thank you to Owen Dale for patiently posing for this picture in Pittsburgh.

LOS ANGLES -- It was a sad day for the Prime Minister, as friend and fellow musician Josh Cooper filed suit against Pascoe regarding the new National Anthem of Iraq, "The Fluff Girls." The suit hinged on a specific performance of which Cooper took part. The notice reads as follows:

REF# FGNA-002

Dear Mr. Pascoe:

You are hereby notified under provisions of Public Laws 95-109 and 99-361, also known as the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, that your services as Prime Minister of Iraq are no longer needed.

You and your organization must CEASE & DESIST all attempts to promote the Fluff Girls as a "drunken jam" or "National Anthem." Failure to comply with this law will result in my immediately filing a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission of Iraq and the Attorney General's office. I will pursue all criminal and civil claims against you and your cabinet.

Let this letter also serve as your warning that I may utilize recording devices in order to document your telephone conversations past and future.

Furthermore, if any negative information about me is placed on record after receipt of this notice, this will cause me to file suit against you and your organization, both personally and corporately, to seek any and all legal remedies available to me by law.

Since it is my policy neither to recognize nor deal with fake Iraqi politicians, I intend to settle this matter with your campaign manager.

Give this matter the attention it deserves!

And have a nice day.

Josh Cooper
Helemanu.com
The Island In Your Mind

***
The Prime Minister said that while he would wait to issue an official statement, he wanted to make a number of clarifications immediately.

"First of all, 'fake Iraqi politicians'? This undermines Cooper's whole argument. If you can not acknowledge me as the clear and decisive victor in the free and democratic Iraq elections, then you have no business being on this Web site. Furthermore, I can see straight through this 'cease and desist' order as a blatant attempt to promote his 'CD sale' which can easily be found at www.helemanu.com/sale. I strongly urge my citizens NOT to shop there."

When asked if he felt Cooper had a secret partnership with Gordon Huntly of the Helen and Gordon Huntly Detective Agency, Pascoe commented, "It might seem that way, but I have a feeling Josh has his own agenda. I had wondered whether I should have appointed him to my cabinet ... now I'm not sure if he's more trouble inside or outside of the administration."

Time will mostly likely tell.