ST. PETERSBURG, Russia -- Several of Iraq Prime Minister Jim Pascoe's ex-girlfriends have spoken out against his policies, calling them unstable and offensive. They seemed particularly incensed by the new "Iraq is for Players" T-shirts, now on sale.

Gordon Huntly of the Helen and Gordon Huntly Detective Agency has managed to track down this gaggle of gals, all of whom claimed to have had affairs with Pascoe before moving to Russia after the relationship went sour. All of the young ladies chose to remain anonymous for this report.

"I was totally afraid of him during our brief thing," said ex-girlfriend #1. " I always thought he was like moments away from shouting in a crowded room or taking his pants off. For someone who wants to be with me in a thing, that's totally unacceptable. I mourn for the 'players' in Iraq."

"The Prime Minister of Iraq? You've got to be kidding me?" ex-girlfriend #2 said. "This 'joke' -- if you can even call it that -- is typical of Jim Pascoe's tastelessness. And I'm not just bitter because he modeled the bimbo in his book Five Shots and a Funeral after me. No, I'm pissed because this stupid T-shirt of his disrespects the Iraq people. And I'm a big supporter of diversity, even for those people over there."

Ex-girlfriend #3 stated emphatically that the Prime Minister went too far with his T-shirt campaign, citing several reasons. "Okay, Iraq is for Players. Cute right? Not. It's misogynistic and chauvinistic and it puts women and children at risk. Hello? What does he think this is, Afghanistan?"

Perhaps the strongest allegation was the one surrounding the Prime Minister's more recent move to sell infant clothing. Gordon Huntly claims that such products have lead to increased occurrences of play-date-rape, although he was unable to present sufficient statistics to support this claim.

Still the shrill cries of this trio of spurned ex-lovers add up to a haunting account of a man many feel is abusing his elected position.

Pascoe refused to comment directly on these verbal attacks, but had this to say about Gordon Huntly. "I don't know who's lining this Huntly character's pocket with cash, but these allegations are nothing more than baseless smear tactics. I won a God-damn Emmy, people. Do you think I have time for some private dick and his muckraking? I have a country to run ... and T-shirts to sell."

Undeterred by Pascoe's huffy response, Huntly praised the bold actions of these women, calling them "American Heroes" who were willing to "build cultural bridges to better the situation in Iraq."