BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Things are not going as planned.

Prime Minister Pascoe faced toughed challenges this weekend, facing cabinet unrest, deadline pressure from his Crime Spree Magazine editor, and disgruntled reader responses from his monthly WebTips column.

"First of all, My 'Ugly Eye for the Mystery Guy' column is NOT late," Pascoe demanded. "Jon Jordan only e-mailed me to gently remind me that it was coming due. I'm working on it! And this business about the reader complaints about my WebTips column -- come on ... it's called lead time, people. I can't control which sites go out of business."

Pascoe became more flustered when asked about his newly appointed cabinet.

"Bunch of slop artists, the whole lot of 'em!" Pascoe screamed. "Get this -- Over-Under Secretary Dale is complaining about being singled out for his party affiliation, typical Republican. Treasurer Suave has been arrested for ripping off Jay Leno (I told the police it was in the name of freedom!). Ambassador Hermann is on 'permanent vacation' since losing the Super Bowl to the Geneva Patriots (or maybe he's not returning my calls because it's his birthday). And to top it all off, Secretary of Statement Lange has complained about her title, insisting instead that she be named Secretary of Towels so that she could work toward bringing in more full-service Laundromats throughout the country. Only Kowe and Niles are being cool about all this, and that's because they're drunk and listening to music."

It is interesting that such an outrageous display of temper should flare up from this would-be potentate of peace. Inside sources have followed up on earlier reported leads about Pascoe's ties with Saddam Hussein.

"It appears that Pascoe was in charge of a 1996 attempted invasion of Andorra," Gordon Huntly of the Helen and Gordon Huntly Detective Agency said. "While no troops were deployed, records show that Pascoe repeatedly called Andorra asking them to sign and fax back surrender papers."

Huntly continued: "Recent research show that Pascoe has expressed interest in acquiring the publishing rights to Hussein's pulp novels. Helen and I believe that he is using the Iraq Election to win friends and build support for his publishing delusions of grandeur."

Such allegations could hamper Pascoe's ability to lead. Only time will tell if Pascoe's budding empire will crumble to pieces.